Stop worrying about your first impression

Stop worrying about yur first impressionStop worrying about your first impressionYou never get a second chance to make a first impression.Ive always struggled with this truism.I know, people are judgmental - it takes only seven seconds to form an opinion about someone you just met. We all tend to judge books by their covers. First impressions are hard to change according to research. But thats just one side of the story (mora on this later).Studies show that we make snap judgments about other people. 80% of first impressions are based on two subconscious questions Can I trust this person? Is this person capable?Both you and the other party are simultaneously assessing each other.However, theres something wrong with this self-help advice - it encourages us to seek others approval rather than self-acceptance. Also, its an invitation to play it safe - if you make a mistake, you are screwed up for life. Thats intrinsically bad.Lets challenge this truism together.Stop trying to be like dYou dont worry about being liked. You have to be yourself. - Vince VaughnThe problem with modern self-help is that it oversimplifies life. By offering shortcuts, we forget to follow our own path.Charles Chu wrote a brilliant post on bad self-help.Two things caught my attention about what he coined the myth of perfect perfectibility. Bad self-help tells you that its your fault when you fail miserably. Also, it creates fairy tales with random scientific evidence.The magical thinkers want you to follow their advice blindly.Self-help truisms create false expectation - we expect life to be perfect and stop appreciating who we are. As Chu explains We are more likely to sacrifice the present (which is imperfect, impermanent) for an ideal future that is unlikely to come.You dont need to create an impression.You shouldnt expect people to like you either. Looking for external approval is why most people censor their best-selves. That our society rewards predictability over originality doesn t mean you have to follow the same pattern.Dont live your life trying to please everyone. Youd most probably disappoint everyone including yourselfBilly Joel wrote Dont go changing to try and please me. You never let me down before. Dont go trying some new fashion. Dont change the color of your hair.Whats the point of acing a job interview at the expense of leaving your soul at home? Do you want to work for a company that expects you to betray your values? Do you want someone to fall in love with you because he/she believes you are someone you are not?Some people believe that creating a first impression is an art. That you can follow 5-steps and will succeed - all you need is to display high self-confidence, they tell you.Self-esteem is a dangerous trap - by trying to please others, you end up deceiving yourself too. It invites you to seek for external appreciation rather than being authentic. It encourages you to measure yourself by your appearance instead of being honest.You jus t need to be you.The above is not advice, but an invitation.Authenticity is the best thing you can bring to the world. Whether its a job interview, a date, or meeting someone on the street. Dont try to create a perfect image by becoming someone you are not.Your second impressionResults Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results I know several thousand things that wont work. - Thomas EdisonLife is anything but certain - theres no proven formula to how you should live yours. Life requires experimenting and doing things for the first time every day. You will fail, you will make mistakes, and feel sorry about it.The good nachrichten is that you can recover. Tomorrow is your second opportunity you can always try things again.Educators described Thomas Edison as addled. He spent a few months in a formal classroom before being taken out of school and educated by his mother.It took him many attempts to create a practical light bulb. Edison didnt care about the impression - thats why he kep t trying and trying.Treating every first opportunity as a life-or-death situation will do you no good - the first impression trap limits your potential. By trying to be right, you will censor your creativity and spontaneity - liberate your personal touch.You can let your first impression define you. Or you can choose to define yourself by the longer-lasting impact of your craft.Oprah Winfrey was fired early on in her career because she was unfit for television news. Walt Disney lost his job for not being creative enough. Jerry Seinfeld was fired from his first job after giving a performance the producers felt was uninspiring.A first, second impression can improve a not-so-good first impression. Life gives us second chances its up to you keep trying. Those who overcame initial failure was because they followed the authenticity route. Rather than trying to please others they kept bringing their best-self every day.Whats the point of pretending to be someone you are not? Whats the pu rpose of hiding your true self just to land a new job?Most of the frustrations in the workplace are rooted in the lies told during the interview process. Both candidates and employers are so worried about making a good impression that they end up showing fake versions.If you fake it, people will soon realize it.When the truth hits the fan, everyone feels deceived. Either they need to continue faking or become honest about not being as perfect as they pretended to be during the interview process.Coaching teams, I have to deal with a lot of unbroken promises - kickstarting any relationship with honesty saves a lot of headaches down the road. I personally reject candidates that are too perfect - I prefer vulnerability and candor over people acting like robots.Im also very candid when interviewing someone to take on a tough challenge. I want to avoid future frustrations but also, to make sure Im hiring the right person to take on a grave situation.You dont need to fake it until you ma ke it. Continue making what you are good at until others notice it. Thats the most important impression you should care about.- - - The world is suffering from a narcissistic epidemia. We dont need more fake people.Unless you are committed to pretending to be someone you are not forever - letting go of being authentic is a steep price just to conquer someone elses appreciation.If something goes wrong on your first date, you can always course correct. Apologize, ask for another chance, try with other people, but never give up. Making mistakes is how we learn and improve our act.Trying to look perfect to be accepted by others will only add more strain to your life. Bring your authentic self to every first encounter.If something goes wrong, you always have a first chance to make a second impression.Call to actionDownload my free ebook Stretch Your Mind, a compilation of exercises to grow beyond your comfort zone, one stretch at a time.Thisarticlefirst appeared on Medium.